During long term illness faith becomes a very big question. Most people will say to you 'have faith'. What is faith? l keep asking myself! Does anyone know what l am going through? My pain, which is physical and my mental pain. This being emotions, of all what l am going through. l have had prayer's and used faith as channelling tunnel of my healing process.

As a christian, l have a strong faith that in 'him' l believe it shall be well. It shall be well, l believe is for me   to be able to face another day. l take each day as it comes and just thankful when l see another day.

l diagnosed with trigeminal neuralgia which is something l didn't even know exists. This is to do with the central nervous system and reseach shows that 1 in 1000 is inheridatry. Those that are lucky don't have many side effects as l have. l am not trying to trivalise any other sufferer's.

The pain affects the side of my face, pain generating from inside the ear, the jaw and the teeth. lt only lasts for a few seconds but leaves me with tears in my eyes. lt is the worst pain l have experienced. And would not wish even my worst enemy. Believe it when l say, l wouldn't wish it on anyone.

That's when l question my faith? l have lost my hearing in my right ear, the side effects from my medication a long list. Constipation, heart pulptations and when you have a health problem everything in your body just start to shut down.

Memory loss for me is becoming the hardest to cope with. The buzzing sounds in my ears. People taking facing the other side. l am tired now l have to go sleep. l kneel down and pray for my father to give me a peacefull night.