Today on a sunday when l feel l should worship, l feel defeated. My faith again is questionable.  It is surprising how you feel vulnerable when you are not well. How you question everything from the way one looks at you or speaks to you. You become your own public enemy number one. Especially with a hearing impairement.

My relationship with God keeps a balance to my healing procees. How easy it is for someone to say 'you try, you are not trying, it's like you have given up'. Being a nurse makes me, now feel terrible on how l treated my patients. l can now understand their fraustration as l am walking in their steps.

l wondered why someone could just give up trying. Sometimes, it's the laughing that makes me more annoyed as l haven't queit got what was said. Empathy is what lacks in human beings. l am glad l am walking this road because l will be able to give my testistmony.

Yes, l have faith that it share be well. My faith is an understanding between me and the guy up their. No-one should therefore, tell me how l feel, what l should do and more importantly know what l am going through.

l am 47 years old and never a day have l been in hospital. This year was the first time l was addmitted for 3 weeks. A year l have cried so much within such a short period of time. l could fill 20 buckets of 20 litres from the tears. During this time l have done alot of soul searching. l have a convinate with the man above to be a new me. Illness changes you a 100% because you see things for what they are and you build a sheild around you.

Are the tears that l have cried from the broken me or the pain l am expericeng? Both, l think. Am l angry with GOD for putting me in such a situation? Yes and No| l think he has a reason for putting in this circustances and this is were l need my faith to be stronger than ever. The prayer l pray every day and the faith l have in HIM gives strength and courage to overcome in the worst pain l go through.