Tomorrow the 10th Aug, 2011. l go for my final results. Am l scared? Yes. Wouldn't you? But l have to go and find out if it is skin cancer or not. l have cancelled 2 appointments before and l couldn't do that again.  l have learnt to take each day as it comes. My reactions when l get the results will either be more tears from relief or fear. I have done all l can and l leave all in GOD'S hands.

The last 3 weeks, l have been dreaming of my mother's funeral and me crying with deep emotons. l have woken up crying with tears on my face. l believe it's all the emotions that l have been holding within me. l have been grieving for myself because l cannot speak to anyone with what l am going through. I try to explain my dreams or validate them. Do l really do to? l am taking each day as it comes.

Good or Bad? l will decide that tomorrow. God has given me a chance to embrace life in a different way. To live and face it in a more appreciative manner. l have made a promise to myself that l will from now on, be number one in all l do. Whether, it will be good or bad.

Believe it or not, after the Doctor's l wil go and have a drink to my health. l have had bad times in my life

but this icing of all the bad times. Just one more from, all the one's l am going through; What the hell! That's my FAITH, l ain't dead yet and the beats goes on. In what l do, l sure should have conviction and l have because l know that my back is covered by my LORD. 

This in today's pyschology which is called (positive thinking), l have come to believe in it. In day to day living you read and research more all that is written in the paper's, listen to the news, on the internet and also attend talks on the subject area. So, you know what to expect and deal with the situation as it presents it's self. 

Acceptance of death, illness and failure is very hard to accept to anyone. I think for me it has been easy to accept cause l have alot of time to reflect on my illness. I thought knowing will help me cope easily. I stayed away from everyone because l need to think without alot of pressure from friends and family. I apologise if l haven't returned their call or messages. This is a time for me to grieve for myself, look at my life and family. More importantly, l believe in self healing. By this l mean, alot of rest during the day and night. More like meditation. 

I am managing to deal better with my pain. I do get tired of taking my medication because it does have side-effects. So, l just stop what l am doing, draw the curtains and lie down in the dark. Managing the symptoms makes one cope with the illness better. That is if you are suffering from one illness. The problem is having 2-3 major illness e.g. nerve problems, heart and skin at once,

The joke is, with the heart not everyone can see it and the nerve as-well,  but with the skin, it is the first thing you can see. Saying that, last night on " TheKardashania", Kim has psorasis and she is upset because it clearly showing and she has to do a shooting. Lucky for her she can hide it by applying make-up. l can't, l have to face it.